How to deal with the delusional optimist

29/07/2021 touchofclarity

Can you think of a friend who haphazardly or even recklessly makes illogical decisions without first considering the consequences or potential outcomes?
Does your line manager or business partner easily sweep issues and concerns under the carpet with careless dismissal of the impact this would have on workforce morale or workload?
Is there a member in your family who is quite good at ignoring common apprehensiveness or unease, who may come across as a bad listener?

If there is someone in your personal or professional life showing these kinds of behaviours, it could be that you are having to deal with a delusional optimist.

During a week-long school trip to Shrewsbury in year 6 (ages 10-11), our year group were divided into smaller groups for a group activity. I really loved this group activity, and even now I tend to use it as a team-building exercise for already existing working groups (or families)! One at a time, we had to wait outside the room whilst the others discussed which animal he or she was most like, and to describe his or her qualities. When it came to my turn, I was described as a nightingale because I sang and because I was an optimist. It was the first time I’d ever heard the word optimist (to my recollection); and have felt close to it ever since!

What is ‘optimism’?

We have all heard of optimism. Optimism’s root, called ‘hope’, is a foundational virtue for its rise in the human heart and provides its nourishment. Loss of hope results in a loss of optimism, for optimism cannot survive without hope. Judeo-Christianity defines hope as the ‘greatest of all God’s gifts’, together with the other theological virtues of faith and charity. One of the earliest use of the term ‘optimism’ is in the work of Leibniz in the early 1700’s, but in modern history, the scholarly works into mental health of Fromm (1955), Freud (1966), Taylor & Brown (1988) and Seligman (today looked up to as the father of positive psychology) bring us to the popular definition of ‘optimism’ as we know it today, which is ‘a generalised expectation that good things will happen’ (Carver & Scheier, 2009) and is regarded as an attributional style (Seligman, 2006), a trait (Carver & Scheier, 2009) and an inherent human characteristic (Sharot, Riccardi, Raio & Phelps, 2007).

Excessive optimism

As with all things of nature or spirit, balance exists and must be attained. It’s one of my life’s missions, to acquire balance in myself, and to help others attain it too – not just physiological balance (what is called homeostasis), but in all things that ontologically touch a human’s personhood. What we need for optimal performance must be at the right amount. Otherwise, it’s not good for us. This is a truth as pertains to both natural and supernatural law.

A helpful analogy for balance is our daily intake of vitamins. Let’s take vitamin C. We only need 40mg of this vitamin a day for optimal performance. A chronic deficiency in this vitamin will eventually cause problems. Likewise, too much of this vitamin will eventually cause different problems (you can check my vitamin C factfile for more info about this). Imagine… we only need 40mg of vitamin C a day, and yet, people take 1000mg daily of this vitamin daily, believing that the more it’s consumed, the better the body will be for it. This is, quite simply, delusional, and potentially dangerous or painful (as it can exacerbate issues like hemochromatosis or oxalate-formed kidney stones, etc.). In fact, as a water-soluble vitamin, our bodies have a very, very clever way of eliminating any excess or unmetabolized vitamin C through our urine, so that we don’t have too much of it in our system at any one time.

The same concept must also be applied to the amount of optimism we require for peak performance as human beings. Ironically, people tend to think of the opposite of optimism as pessimism. However, I would disagree with this. I would argue that the opposite of pessimism is something called acedia (a hopelessness or spiritual depression. In the Christian faith, it is a desolation of sorts). The scope of this blogpost isn’t to deal with acedia or even explore it. However, I have done a lot of reading on this state and would be happy to write about it if it’s of interest to readers. The scope of this blogpost is to develop thought and gain insight on how to deal with a ‘delusional optimist’, but what is that? In 1988/89, ground-breaking work by psychologists Taylor and Brown claimed that although optimism is normal and natural, positive illusions, as differentiated between ‘inflated positive self-perception’, ‘exaggerated assessments of personal control’ and ‘unrealistic optimism’ present an inaccurate view of reality. With this realisation came the warning that illusions can be taken to excess, and when the ‘margin of optimal illusion’ is surpassed, we end up battling with the costs of delusional optimism.

Actions, behaviours and attitudes of delusional optimists – and how to deal with them

Please note that this list of actions, behaviours and attitudes are not strictly limited to delusional optimists. They could be signs and symptoms of other issues, conditions or even be a regular trait in certain personality types.

Stubbornness

Delusional optimists are often very stubborn about the end to which they’re being optimistic about. This is just a result of their strong conviction that ‘things are going to be fine / work out the way they should’. This conviction can cause their ears and their hearts to disregard the genuine worries of others, which is why it’s important to remember that when dealing with someone operating in this mode, they are not purposely ignoring YOU. Also, it is understandable why one might become suspicious of their actions when they don’t openly communicate their intentions aloud. Don’t take their disinterest in your concerns personally. They are just highly convinced and are already committed in their hearts to a course of action that they fundamentally believe is best for everyone, and nothing but a crisis can wake them up from this delusional stupor. If the course of action leads to disaster, it may be easier to accept it as such, and to learn big lessons from it. However, if the course of action proves to be a success, then this delusional optimist deserves credit and praise for their dedication and commitment, as well as the courage it took to achieve the success (no matter how blind or ill-considered it was).

Over-confidence

This behaviour makes sense if we ruminate on Taylor and Brown’s ground-breaking work as mentioned above. A delusional optimist may possess an inflated positive self-perception. This is when his/her subjective judgement signals self-possession of ‘better than average’, or maybe even ‘the best’, in quality or quantity: attributes, characteristics, skills, or abilities compared to others. They can tend to make exaggerated assessments of things they believe they have more control of or in, than they do in reality. This is due in part to the idea that what is objectively considered risky, may not be subjectively deemed so by the person. The phrase ‘throwing caution to the wind’ would ring bells here. A delusional optimist is a risk manager’s worst nightmare! In practice, the unrealistic optimism of such a person could cause an underestimation of resources and requirements to bring a project to success, or equally cause an overestimation of planned outcomes that would result in major losses (e.g. in money, relationships, time, reputation). However, being over-confident can have two distinct advantages. 1) Should a project work in favour of the delusional optimist, they’ll become a genius or somewhat of a hero figure among the pack, and 2) in the face of challenges, the delusional optimist has an uncanny ability to raise morale, motivation and performance, thereby increasing chances of success. Risk language doesn’t really work in convincing a delusional optimist to hit their pause button. If anything, it will only drive them further and more headstrong into their pursuit. In this situation, one must find a way to keep the motivation of the delusional optimist up whilst tactfully communicating the potential benefit or advantage of pulling back the reigns as attractive and positively aspirational. Killing their confidence wouldn’t be a good way to gain healthy results.

Irresponsibility

It might appear that the delusional optimist exhibits flagrantly irresponsible behaviour. The issue with this perspective is that, this would not be their perspective. When combining my points on stubbornness and over-confidence above, we are left with this: the unease of having to deal with decision-makers appearing to ignore responsibility. Where decisions have little to no impact on people, assets or liabilities, then objectively, responsibility lessens. If decisions have major impact on people, assets or liabilities, then responsibility understandably increases, and quite drastically. In a world where all things are equal, simple ‘what if’ questions may suffice for alerting someone to address their responsibility – however, this rarely works for the delusional optimist. The coaching style here would alter slightly to – in a way – work ‘backwards’. Helping them foresee any ‘fire-fighting’ activity that might come their way post-event, could be the best eye-opener for them.

Conclusion: Behaviour change through motivational interviewing

The best time to inspire behaviour change so that this optimist can continue to be an optimist, but a realistic one, is when they’re not focused on a project that they are already certain would be a crazy success! Working during a time of lull or when enthusiasm isn’t heightened would be helpful for bringing in some objectivity into their subjective reality. Motivational interviewing is a highly recognised technique for supporting clients see reality more clearly, and to make healthy life changes.

I’m Claz, a personal health, life & career coach as well as a massage therapist based in West London, accredited in the UK. You can book a session with me here or sign up to my workshops on my Eventbrite Page. Upcoming workshops include personal resiliency training.

Glossary of Terms related to Self-Confidence

20/08/202021/08/2020 touchofclarity

This glossary or terms has been put together as a way of understanding the deeper meaning of the word, according to its Latin etymology. For the few words like ‘shy’, which don’t have Latin origin, I’ve taken the old English meaning (often rooted in old Norse or old French).

Faith (Latin: fides as above)- To trust, to believe

Confidence (Latin: Con=with; fidere (same root as fides)) – With trust, with belief, assurance in, reliance of

Self-confidence – As above + in oneself

Love (affective) – to cherish, delight in, approve (for the sake of the other’s good, and not as a means to one’s own self-gratification or self-satisfaction)

Self-belief – Conviction of the truth of oneself

Self-interest – a motive of human action oriented purely to oneself

Ego – the conscious and permanent subject of one’s own mental experiences and free decisions

Self-worth – the inherent significance, value and dignity of oneself

Humility – grounded, down to earth, authentic perception of one’s state

Self-esteem – to value -, determine the value of -, appraise -, oneself

Arrogance – a manifest feeling of superiority of one’s worth or importance, combined with contempt of others

Self-respect – act of regarding -, a looking at -, observe -, oneself

Self-acceptance – take or receive willingly the self. This notion assumes that one receives oneself as a gift unto themselves and unto others [and the necessity of the divine Gift-Giver]

Self-centred – assignation of a point round which things revolves being oneself. Also meaning engrossed in the self combined with little regard for others

Selfish – Often a momentary motive behind an act that is self-seeking, self-ended, self-ful. Tends to be seen as lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure

Egocentric – Often a behavioural trait or dispositional characteristic centred in or arising from a person’s own individual existence or perspective without regard for the feelings or desires of others

Self-doubt – to dread -, fear -, be afraid -, be of two minds -, undecided -, in and of oneself

Optimistic – disposed to take the most hopeful view of a matter

Hopeful – to be full of confident expectation

Persevering – continue steadfastly, persist

Resilient – inclined to leap or spring back (from set-backs, adversity)

Shy – timid, easily startled, shrinking from -, avoidance of -, contact with others

Scared – to experience: fright, to shrink from, shun, prevention of, aversion of

Persistence – abide, continue steadfastly

Fear – irrational panic, horror, or aversion

Afraid – to take out of peace

A massive thank you to the Online Etymology Dictionary for its help in this!

12 Weeks to a healthier YOU: 2021 REVIVE ME CHALLENGE

13/08/202017/12/2020 touchofclarity

A 12 week action-focused community-led Health & Wellbeing Programme designed to progress you into looking, feeling and BEing healthier by Spring 2021!

Education. Accountability. Support. Action plan. Fun. Achieve.

Dates: On Wednesdays from 6th January – 31st March 2021 @ 20:00 GMT (London time). Half term (17th February) is taken into consideration.

Location: LIVE online webinar (Presentations delivered live online, and live community forum available for accountability and community support).

Presented by: Claz Gomez – Health & Wellbeing Therapist and Accredited Life Coach.

Cost: This will cost you: – your effort, – your time, – your commitment, – your heart, – your sweat, – your tears, – your sacrifices. BUT… you will see long term health changes that will prevent chronic illness, disease and pain. The benefits of a more balanced and healthier life far outweigh all the costs… most especially when hitting your 60’s-80s.

Format of the session: 1hr total: 20-30 min of webinar teaching. 10 min breakdown of weekly activities. 20 min live Q&A or free discussion with coaching.

Format of the week: Each person will be challenged with a set of tasks or activities to strive toward throughout the week. One of these is to motivate and support each other on the Winter 2021 Healthy Eating & Wellbeing Programme online forum (only nicknamed the HEW crew).

Who is this programme suitable for? This programme is for:

Individuals or families wanting to manage their weight and prevent obesity
Health enthusiasts needing a systematic boost in planning and motivation
Chronic disease and illness sufferers in need of relief from their physiological aches and pains
Individuals who want to optimise their physiological balance & performance
Smokers wanting to approach their cessation holistically
Stressed & burned out workers who desire to build a healthy routine into their lifestyle to promote recovery
Fitness fanatics recently rehabilitating from injury
Anyone who is simply striving to achieve better work/life balance
Those who are struggling with sleep issues

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Outline

Week 1: Know your body, your lifestyle & your history

Week 2: Establish your goals

Week 3: Integrative energy intake

Week 4: Menu planning & Healthy food preparation skills

Week 5: Self-awareness, Moderation and Portion Sizes

Week 6: Healthy Eating Check-in + Review

Week 7: Wellbeing Check-in + Review

Week 8: Metabolism & Physical activity

Week 9: Sleep, Stress, Self-care

Week 10: Detoxing, Fasting and Finding what might be right for you

Week 11: Movement & Exercise

Week 12: Living out your sustainable change

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Get in touch if you have any questions about this programme. Watch my video to learn about why I am putting on this programme.

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REFUND POLICY: No refunds within 7 days prior to start of the programme.

Bookings now open

Tackle procrastination with something so… SIMPLE

13/08/202017/08/2020 touchofclarity

Simplifying life, goals, objectives and tasks is part of the solution to procrastination as simplicity purifies and clarifies the path ahead, making it more attractive to bear. Here are 6 suggested approaches to make things more… SIMPLE! This works best in reverse order!

S – STREAMLINE

Streamline any processes by designing a system of working that presents very little resistance to flow of intentionality, increasing productivity and efficiency of those less enjoyable tasks. One example of this: schedule a specific time to allow for distractions. Otherwise, 100% focus. Another example is to schedule timed bursts of productivity like the Pomodoro method.

I – IDENTIFY

Get to know and understand the root cause of the procrastination. Work with a coach to get clarity on the root of procrastination so that it can be addressed and overcome moving forward. This needs to be addressed in order to avoid ‘regular bouts’ of procrastination. Importantly, there could be deeper issues there making procrastination an outcome.

M – MILESTONES & MOOD

Set deadlines. Enter specific milestones into a diary (or a project planning software if the objective is big enough).

Sometimes a particular mood is required for optimal productivity. Mood regulation (aka emotional control) is a helpful self-mastery technique enabling fluidity & consistency of productiveness.

P – PRIORITISE

Using the Eisenhower Matrix is a great way to sort a task list out into 4 categories of priorities. When one knows the order of one’s life and activities, one can organise and plan accordingly. Do remember though: more often than not, time management is not the root cause of procrastination, and for long-term changes away from procrastination, the issue will have to be solved at the deepest level.

L – LESSEN

Procrastination presents a gap between intention and action. Lessening this gap could take all sorts of forms including giving a personal meaning to the task, rewarding oneself as an incentive to complete a task earlier than needed, trying different motivational methods that will work, and forgiving oneself from procrastinating and starting again with a fresh slate.

E – EASY

Yes. Make the tasks easier for yourself. If what has to be done is complex or large, break things down. Take baby steps if necessary, or go ahead and just ‘eat that frog’ (which isn’t that easy – but for those people whose core values include ‘challenge’, this might be the right way forward)! Try different things.

I’m Claz, a Professional Life, Career & Wellbeing Coach based in West London, accredited in the UK. I work with individuals as well as organisations providing high-end coaching. I also run affordable workshops that you can check out on my events page. Alternatively, you can contact me through my website www.touchofclarity.com.

7 steps to decision-making clarity

28/07/2020 touchofclarity

🤷‍♀️ Why do people get stuck when making a decision?

timj-Vrv_nZHaFTc-unsplash — Photo by timJ on Unsplash

That’s a really good question, and there may be many answers to it! This is why I find it helpful to take a systematic and structured approach to the decision-making thought process. At every stage self-awareness is as necessary as the content that surfaces when thinking through a decision. Many obstacles and hindrances to decision-making often and subtly surface up into the light but can then be excused by the irrational self. In these moments, it can be a challenge to have clear perception.

Whether you are making a life-changing decision about your relationships, your career, your life goals yourself or your wellbeing, here is my 7 step personal decision-making approach for clarity. I hope it will save you time, stress and ultimately heartache, when trying think through your decision!

Step 1: Define your situation

This is where it begins!

The more self-knowledgeable you are, the faster you will pass through this stage. Here, you’ll get to weigh up the significance of this decision you’re making against who you are, what you stand for, where you’re heading, and decide whether this decision needs to be taken now.

If you are a person of faith, then you will also want to bring God into this entire journey.

Self-Coaching questions for step 1

What is/are… [aka Define]:

the significance of this decision?
your needs?
your priorities?
your wants?
your vision, mission & values?
the implications if you do not make a decision about this?
the ideal decision?
the timing of your decision?

Step 2: Clarify what you’re making a decision about

Clarifying what the driving and resisting forces of this decision are, what is influencing the decision and how much power those influences have over you and your decision, as well as gaining insight into your decision-making strengths and weaknesses will help clarify what your decision is really about.

Self-Coaching questions for step 2

Clarify:

how does this decision align with your values?
how does this decision align with your goals & vision?
how does this decision align with your purpose & mission?
what are your decision-making strengths and weaknesses?
what are the driving forces in your decision?
what are the resisting forces in your decision?
what are the influencing factors in your decision?
what gaps are there in your knowledge, skills, competencies and experience re this decision?
who is/are influencing this decision?

Step 3: Identify outcomes of your decision

This activity will help you to separate what are assumed, and what are certain outcomes of your decision. Broken down into short, medium and long term outcomes, this step will help you to reflect on your emotional and psychological commitment to those outcomes.

You’ll also gain some insight into your change readiness.

Self-Coaching questions for step 3

Identify the short, medium and long term outcomes with:

what will this decisions’ impact be on your physical, spiritual, emotional, psychological health?
how will it affect the people directly involved in your life?
what it will mean for the regular routine you live by or your daily activities?
what are the material considerations of your outcomes (e.g. possessions & value of them)?
what are the financial considerations of your outcomes (e.g. regular income, savings, investments, retirement)?
what are the career & job considerations of your outcomes?

Step 4: Consider the options, alternatives, consequences & opportunities of the decision

Here is where you identify all the risks in your decision, as well as the impact of this decision to your and others before actually committing to it.

Self-Coaching questions for step 4

Consider:

what are the pros and cons?
what are the risks? How to mitigate them?
what are the positive and negative impacts?
where can opportunities be found?
how will it cost you in time & personal resources?
what sacrifices will be required?
what would you ideal choice be if you had to choose?

Step 5: Understand any emotions behind your decision

Your heart is greatly influenced by your past experiences, your desires, your passions, your pains, your personality, and a myriad of other factors and qualities.

Here is an opportunity to check the balance between your emotions and your rationale, moving forward without looking back in regret.

Self-Coaching questions for step 4

Understand:

what pressures may this decision be feeding on?
what needs may this decision be feeding on?
how can I be more balanced (head vs heart)?
what emotions are influencing here?
what are my fears?
where might I be experiencing limiting beliefs?
how will my feelings change after this decision?
how are my past experiences influencing my emotions & feelings?
when am I likely to change my mind because of others’ feelings?

Step 6: Capture other viewpoints & objective opinions

There is GREAT VALUE in seeking counsel.

Seek the opinion of those:

immediately involved in this decision
indirectly involved in this decision
experienced in this area
whose wisdom you appreciate & respect
in the ‘helping’ professions

Self-Coaching questions for step 6

Capture:

what do the people most involved in this decision have to say?
what do people indirectly involved in this decision have to say?
what do people with experience of this decision have to say?
what do people whose wisdom you appreciate and respect have to say?
what do professionals from the ‘helping’ professions have to say?

Step 7: Prepare & commit yourself to your decision

Often, limiting beliefs and self-sabotage about a decision happen before the very moment of committing to a decision. This is unlikely to happen if you’ve gone through the previous 6 steps to decision-making clarity. You will know what actions are needed to move forward confidently and courageously.

Self-Coaching questions for step 7

Prepare & Commit:

what are my critical activities moving forward?
what personal preferences do I have?
how can I exercise greater freedom of heart?
where do I need to exercise more resilience?
where do I need to exercise more courage?
what are my coping strategies?
how often should I review my progress and approach?
what does my task list look like?

Need an objective opinion to walk through the above with?

Depending on your situation (particularly the time limitation) and the gravity of the decision you have to make, you may be interested in an intensive breakthrough coaching session to get to decision-making clarity quickly, and for putting a sketch plan in place.

Intensive Breakthrough Coaching Session for decision-making clarity (2.5 hrs)

What is included in your session?

Initial email outlining your preparation for the session
Any relevant tools or materials required for activities in your session
Face to face to face session in West London OR video meeting call (prices vary by location & added onto base price. Video meetings via Zoom are no extra cost.)
Follow up email with reflections from the session and suggested actions

Your investment

My intensive breakthrough coaching session is great value at a base price of £325. For this amount you will gain:

peace of mind and of heart that you have made the most informed and thought-through decision you could possibly have made
clarity on 99.9% of elements, factors, influences and options worth considering
an impeccably designed set of action points / plan to make any changes smoothly based on who you are and where you’re heading
greater knowledge of your blindspots and choke points, with an increased desire to manage those
confidence because you’ll have cleared mental and emotional obstacles preventing you from moving forward
enhanced or maintained good quality relationships (personal or professional)
holistic & well-balanced perspective, energy and momentum
avoidance of more time and money spent down the line from a decision that ultimately cost you more than you could afford
relief from stress and heartache that would have been an outcome of a poorly-made decision

ToC Tips for Sleep Wellness

11/07/202005/11/2020 touchofclarity

Introduction

When we look up at the world, it’s not difficult to see how and why sleep wellness is reputed to be at its lowest point in terms of human priorities in all of modern history. We tend to try and find so many solutions to our physical, emotional, social, spiritual and psychological ailments during our waking day, when actually, the best solutions and remedies to these ailments occur naturally at night, when we sleep.

We need to wake up to the following facts:

Tiredness and fatigue are the primary cause of one in five (21%) GP consultations in the UK.[1]
The NHS in England is spending almost £50 million each year to ensure the nation gets a good night’s sleep and insomnia is a significant problem which now affects more than one in three adults.[2]
Sleep deprivation in the UK workforce costed the economy £40.2 billion in loss of productivity in 2016 and it is estimated this will steadily rise to £47 billion by 2030.[3]
Workers who sleep less than six hours per day report on average about a 2.4 percentage point higher productivity loss due to absenteeism or presenteeism than workers sleeping between seven to nine hours per day.[4]

With all the things we would like to fit into our day, a really good starting point ought to be our sleep – since the quantity and the quality of it greatly influences our daily activity, energy levels and productivity, which in turn affects our daily achievements.

There is a multitude of techniques, methods, hints and tips on sleep wellness online. But here are my top tips for sleep wellness (learned from experience!).

Sleep Environment

Your Bed: Your mattress, your pillow, your bedding, it has to be right for you! It is really important to invest a good amount of your attention and time to getting the right bed and sleeping environment for yourself. Yes, it’s easier to buy beds and mattresses online, but how do you know it’s the right firmness for you and that you will be comfortable recuperating in it every day for the next 8-12 years? During this Covid-19 period, where we are seeing many shops closing down, one of the types of shops that I’m really praying doesn’t close down are bed stores – for the simple reason, that is very difficult for people to buy the right mattress and bed for them unless they’ve tried it out.

Bedding: We can be more flexible with bedding, but I’d say the main thing to consider the material that you choose. Cotton is a natural fabric. It is breathable, wicks moisture and stays comfortably cool against skin. Polyester, on the other hand, is a synthetic fabric and does not absorb water the way cotton does. It will trap moisture and heat in hot environments, which can make for sweaty and uncomfortable nights.

Room temperature: Another critical element to a good night’s sleep. In the summer we all know how difficult it can be to sleep well. If you don’t have an air conditioner in your bedroom, then we can learn about room-cooling techniques from the Mediterraneans. Provided you do not use the bedroom for any kind of daytime work, close the curtains and blinds during the day, as well as all the windows and any doors. In the evening, as it starts to get cooler, open curtains/blinds and windows wide to let air in to cool the room.

Light & Sound: Invest in real sturdy black-out curtains. If you’re choosing windows, opt for windows that not just look great, but block sound efficiently. Sometimes blocking out light and sound needs to become a priority, and extra measures need to be taken. My next door neighbour has the most enormous dog with arguably the most enormous bark, and if there’s a fox that sets him off at 02:30 in the morning, it instantly wakes me up. And I don’t mean snoozy kinda woken up. I mean really awake. So I know that if the dog hasn’t been taken to Richmond Park for a good workout that day, I know I have to stick earplugs in the ears. So… aids such as earplugs and blackout night masks can be most helpful sometimes. Note: Make it non-negotiable to pack these two things in your travel kit!!

It took me a month to find the perfect bed, mattress and pillow for me. That’s partly down to the fact that shops such as Dreams and Bensons for Beds exist! Thank you Dreams! And the other part is the fact that I did not want to regret my decision of beds further down the line. #JustSaying

Nutrition

Cut down on caffeinated drinks (note: green tea has caffeine in it). If possible eliminate caffeine from your diet except for treat days and special occasions.

Don’t eat 2 hours before going to bed, with the optional exception of an organic camomile (infusion is better than supplement) only – or organic ginseng infusion around 60 mins before bedtime. Another thing that can be considered in your diet is an organic magnolia bark supplement, which affects your HPA nervous system and has been known to regulate cortisol spikes during sleep – please do not take supplements without speaking to your GP, Nutritionist or Eastern Medicine Specialist first, especially if you are on existing medication.

De-Stimulation Techniques

Don’t look at a screen of any kind (including tv) at least 30 mins before bed to reduce visual stimuli. A Lumie clock is great for gradual de-stimulation of your optic nerves through the technique of light reduction. Another light-reducing technique is to focus on the flame of a single candle 5 minutes before you sleep without any other lights on, inhaling and exhaling in deeply and slowly. These techniques will help you fall asleep easier.

Rest-Inducing Techniques

Build into your routine (aim for fall-asleep time to be between 21:30-22:30) a relaxation ritual. Something like a self-massage (on feet, hands, neck, shoulders, arms & legs) or a 30 min hot bath will do wonders. You could soak unscented bath salts in some of the suggested essential oils in point 6 to increase the relaxing effects of bathing, preparing you for a good night’s sleep.

If you’re not into massage, perhaps just the thought of spreading a lotion might be a better option. There are lotions that can be spread on your skin to aid a good night’s sleep. I have two different brand lotions. One contains magnesium, lavender and camomile, and the other contains magnesium and melatonin. Melatonin is a hormone produced naturally in your body to encourage sleep and controls your sleep cycle. If you do this, just enjoy the process – make an effort to go slow with the lotion spreading, avoid rushing and be tender and caring to yourself and your skin. Put some love into it, and just that in itself will help you to relax.

Consistent Routines

To be frank, all the above and below suggestions can be built into a consistent routine. But there is one routine that requires extra special attention: that of your wake up time. Try to wake up every morning at the same time. I know the thought of weekend lie-ins seems absolutely glorious, but the effect of a lie-in on your circadian rhythm can be brutal as you head into the weekdays. Take a nap during the day if you need to try to make up for some sleep deficit, but try to stick to the same wake up time. Irregularity in this will affect your hormone balance, which in turn effects your immunity and your metabolism. Homeostasis is greatly disturbed when sleep regularity is disturbed, which is why quality of sleep is as important as quantity of sleep.

Important: Often, people who are trying to make health-related changes in their lives give up far too soon or too quickly. Don’t do this! Don’t just give up after one week and think that you’re not getting the results you’ve been hoping for. Likewise, 4 weeks is not long enough for your body to have made its changes for long-term effects, even if you have been super consistent and faithful to the plan. I would highly recommend that you give yourself 12 weeks (that’s just 3 months and only a quarter of the year) to give your body a chance to adapt to internal changes, thus seeing results. 12 weeks is applicable for any health-related changes and works as much for sleep as it does for body recomposition (let’s just cross-reference that to weight loss for this purpose), or smoking cessation, or healthy eating habits, or gut re-balance… or anything health, really!

Physical Exertion

Aim to ‘spend’ built-up energy caused by stress on a physically demanding activity at some point during the day. Human stress response is most naturally impacted by the secretion of cortisol, adrenaline and norepinephrine (although other hormones also impact stress responses) into the blood stream – and these can be regulated by exercise. Even something as simple as a 10 min hard plié workout (and example of a load-bearing, strengthening exercise) or a HIIT workout (which promotes supramaximal expenditure of energy /or anaerobic exercise) will help you re-balance, and work toward physiological homeostasis.

Natural Therapies & Remedies

Aromatherapy

Aromatherapy solutions work wonders! I recommend an ultrasonic diffuser or nebuliser to release the oil fragrances for up to 4 hours into your sleep without burning the properties out. If you don’t use equipment, you could blend with carrier oils and massage the mixed oil onto your skin (use only therapeutic grade essential oils for this), or dab the oils onto a tissue that you have close to your nose when you are sleeping.

Calmative Oils (C): Calms and sedates the nervous system, mind, and reduces anxiety

Soporific Oils (S): Induces sleep

Hormonal balancing Oils (H): Motivates the endocrine system or balances hormone levels.

OILS: Valerian (S/C), Lavender (all), Sweet Orange (C), Petitgrain (C), Mandarin (C), Sandalwood (C), Clary Sage (C/H), Chamomile Roman (C/H), Neroli (C), Sweet Marjoram (So), Maracuja (C – not an essential oil, but a great sedating carrier oil for massage).

Important: Please seek professional advice from an aromatherapist if you are on medication, are pregnant, have sun sensitivity or have serious underlying issues as the effects of essential oils have an impact on the effectiveness of medication and pregnancy.

Herb remedies

Two very popular natural remedies in South Asian medicine for aiding sleep are ashwagandha extract and tulsi. They’re known to reduce stress & anxiety, buffer anti-oxidation in the brain, lower cortisol, increase muscle growth & strength, and improve fertility & reproductive health.

Vitamins & Mineral remedies

Some of the most important vitamins and minerals for aiding sleep are:

Magnesium
Iron (needs vit C for absorption)
Calcium (needs vit D3)
Boron
Vitamin C (necessary for iron absorption)
Vitamin D3 (necessary for calcium absorption)
Vitamin B

[please do not take supplements without speaking to your GP, Nutritionist or Eastern Medicine Specialist first, especially if you are on existing medication]

Pre-Sleep Release Techniques

Activities that help you to recollect yourself, your feelings and your mind may help you let go of the weight/burdens of that day. Meditation / Prayer, reading and spiritual moments or activities will help you to achieve this. The practice of examination of conscience helps me to find peace, and to also learn to accept my humanity in all its wonders and imperfections.

Brain dumping for the day – get all the last vestiges of the day’s worries, struggles and pains onto paper, and then throw the paper away, symbolising that you’ve let go of the day’s burdens and anxieties, and allow yourself to be at peace with who you are that very moment you fall asleep. Alternatively, journaling allows you to store those thoughts and feelings somewhere other than your head!

Understand your Sleep Wellness

Monitor your sleep activity every night using a Sleep app. I’ve been using the Sleep as Android sleep cycle app for at least 7-8 years now, and it gives me a lot of helpful information that helps me to monitor my sleep wellness.

Sleep Retreats

Particularly if you’re close to burnout, please, just STOP! Book yourself into a hotel and make a sleep retreat for yourself. Approximately every 2 years, I book myself into a sea-view hotel room for 7 days with the intention of recuperating physically and mentally, in order that I don’t burnout! About 50% of the focus of these 7 days is my sleep. If you have an interest in the programme I set for myself, please do get in touch with me and I would be delighted to share that with you. It would make this post too bulky to include it here, and there is a lot of wellbeing practice in it that needs thorough explanation. Note: I make other retreats that focus on other dimensions like my spiritual and emotional wellbeing. My point being that I don’t try to cram too much or set too many goals into one retreat.

Conclusion

So I have given you some techniques, methods and concepts that work for me. I’m of course also open to any thoughts you might have on this subject too! Feel free to leave comments below. I’m always learning new things, and love to learn about sleep. But I leave you with these words from The Sleep Council & The Sleep Charity:

“While diet and exercise have their parts to play in a healthier Britain, SLEEP is the catalyst that makes diet and exercise more effective – whilst also delivering significant additional health benefits. Clinicians are already ‘prescribing’ exercise, it is now time to ‘prescribe sleep’ to the nation.

A good night’s rest is essential to a healthy lifestyle – protecting you physically and mentally as well as boosting your quality of living.” ~ The Sleep Council & The Sleep Charity

I’m Claz, a holistic massage & wellbeing therapist based in West London, accredited in the UK. I am also a Life & Career Coach, working with individuals as well as organisations. You can contact me through my website www.touchofclarity.com and sign up to my workshops on my Eventbrite Page.

[1] National Hydration Council. GPs reveal UK ‘tired all the time’. https:/www.naturalhydrationcouncil.org.uk/press/gps-reveal-uk-tired-all- the-time/#footnotes1 (accessed December 2019)

[2] Daily Telegraph (2012). https:/www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/ news/9257191/Sleeping-pill-cost-to-NHS-almost-50m.html (accessed December 2019)

[3] Hafner M, Stepanek M, Taylor J, Troxel WM, Van Stolk C. (2016) Why sleep matters — the economic costs of insufficient sleep: A cross- country comparative.

[4] The Sleep Council & The Sleep Charity, 2020 Sleep Manifesto. Sleepcouncil.org.uk

Dear leader, use positive assertiveness at all times. When necessary, use ‘no’.

18/06/202018/06/2020 touchofclarity

When I was 13 years old, I went on a retreat. At the start of the retreat, we were put into the same group and had to remain in that same group throughout. In our final group exercise, we had to come together with our group leaders. One person would be asked to leave the room so that the rest of the group could pick an animal that he or she could be compared with, and to explain why. Believe it or not, I still use this as a team-building exercise for already existing teams if I deem the individuals in the team to be mature enough to see the analogousness of it, because I appreciated what it did for my confidence and for my trust in my little group. It’s surprisingly effective! When it came time for me to be compared with an animal, I was not expecting the comparison I received! I was compared to a nightingale. The group listed many reasons for the comparison, but the one word that really stood out for me was ‘optimistic’. In some mystical way, that word has shaped my life; my beliefs, my attitudes, my behaviour. Until I first entered the corporate world, I was as liberated in my ‘yes-ness’ and optimism as I was in my creativity. And then… I learned all about risk.

About positive assertive communication and the ‘NO’

What has this story got to do with positive assertiveness or saying ‘no’? Let us first establish what they are. Assertive Communication is a style of communication in which a person stands up for and respects their own needs and wants, whilst also taking into consideration the needs and wants of others, without behaving passively or aggressively. Positive Assertive Communication is about framing your thinking in a way that inspires a movement of love in your heart – so that your ‘no’ doesn’t close you off, but opens and frees you up to something (or someone) else! When you look at all the definitions on the web for the word NO, you’ll find the key word that stands out is negative (e.g. a negative vote or decision; an act or instance of refusing or denying… etc). These acts essentially block and close up – not just the other person, but yourself as well. As a natural ‘yes’ person, I have had to learn how and more importantly when to say ‘no’. We find ‘no’ more so in the corporate sector than in the charity sector, where there is naturally more generosity and spirit to serve within the organisational culture, and desire to make a difference.

Positive assertiveness is now something that more and more people are looking to assimilate into their personal and working lives. That’s why I am launching my first positive assertiveness & boundary setting workshop on Saturday 27th June 2020 at 3pm on Zoom. It will be an interactive opportunity to explore practical ways of positive assertiveness, as well as the ‘why’ for it all. The purpose of this blog is to speak a little more about the ‘no’ in relation to leadership, and when it is necessary to use it. This is where I say: Dear leader, use positive assertiveness at all times. When necessary, use ‘no’.

When is it appropriate to use ‘no’, then?

The leadership styles (I won’t go into leadership or management styles in this blog post) in which we would most frequently see ‘no’ is in the authoritative and bureaucratic styles of leadership. The best leaders in the world know how to use all 5 styles of leadership to suit the situation and the people, and have nailed their communication styles in order to implement the best courses of action in their team. Of course, this isn’t a step-by-step formula that leaders learn. They learned this through experience and decent self-knowledge! In management training, managers identify the two most common ‘no’ styles of management in the ‘tell’ or ‘sell’ management styles. Again, the best managers in the world master all 5 styles of management to suit the situation and the stakeholders involved. So when ought the ‘no’ come into ones leadership or management? Here are 3 key moments when the invitation of positive assertiveness needs to be put aside and a ‘no’ steps up:

When there is a high risk of danger or severe hurt to yourself or to others. So many people knock health and safety. But guys, it’s a no-brainer. This shouldn’t be classed as a ‘duty of care’ exercise at all. It should be built into our intrinsic nature to care for and protect each other from danger or hurt for the due reason that we are human beings. When I’m driving on the road, I seriously appreciate ‘no’ signage – because it’s a prevention and deterrent to me putting myself in danger. This ‘no’ is a crisis prevention or crisis management measure. If a leader/manager sees a catastrophe or a crisis impending (i.e. it will happen, and it’s not speculative), they will rightly start putting on the breaks. What’s important here is that the good leader/manager will brief their team, ensuring that the team are fully communicated with and feel a part of the crisis prevention.
When positive assertiveness has been exhausted. I get it. Sometimes, there is only so much positive assertiveness that can be applied until a ‘no’ must kick in. Someone who has set a boundary and now needs to make sure the other person understands and respects that boundary must do so by communicating that with them. My workshop explores how to do that positively in more detail. But what happens if the recipient isn’t responding as you would like to the positive assertiveness? There are two further courses of action. The first course could be to use a slightly more aggressive assertiveness. At no stage should the assertiveness be passive. One ought always to be aware of and sensitised to their impact on the other person. To be passive assertive is to allow oneself to be indifferent to their impact on the other. This is neither caring nor emotionally intelligent! Slightly aggressive assertiveness pushes on the firmest edge of ‘firm’ and the most uncomfortable end of ‘comfort’. The second course could be to put in the strict ‘no’. Just remember two main things if this option is the last recourse to action: a) The ‘no’ must come from a place of goodwill for others and the main people involved, not from an abuse of manipulation, control and/or power, and; b) it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. It’s worth thinking how the other person would best respond before jumping into this last resort.
Compliance. We touched on this briefly with health and safety in point 1. When it comes to compliance, there is no airy-fairy way of ensuring legislation is complied with, unless there is clarity on the boundary. These sets of rules are not optional. Most people will see the benefit of the rules quite naturally, but some people do like to consider themselves as ‘rule-breakers’, and get a kick out of pushing their limits. At some point, the ‘no’ kicks in here. If you are a parent, this balance is one you will already be familiar with. The only difference is that you’re not parenting a toddler, but managing/leading grown ups. Having said that, some of the best leaders and managers in the world are looked up to as ‘father-figures’ and ‘mother-figures’, and there is something very beautiful and life-giving about that.

Risk management plays a big part in the ‘no’ word or action. Good leaders and managers have superhero risk mitigation and management skills – either learned through study, experience or naturally developed whilst growing up. It is for this reason that ‘no’ can and should be used, when necessary.

What if I’m the person used to being told ‘no’, and it really gets to me?

Flip the other side of the coin… if you are the recipient of the ‘no’, then the method I use to give the other person the benefit of the doubt as to whether his/her ‘no’ was personal (on either side) or not, is to think about all the risks that the ‘no’ was preventing. Undertaking this small analysis tells you much more about the priorities of the leader and any underlying issues than most outward communication from the leader would. That is, unless your leader or manager is very open and very honest (I appreciate these leaders very much!). The reason why I brought up the ‘no’ as a personal affront or defence, is because in some cases, a manager might feel threatened in some way by their direct report, and so they develop a habit of saying ‘no’ to their direct report; even if the direct report’s suggestion or action is actually good for the team and the organisational mission. This is personal. On the other extreme, the direct report is constantly being told ‘no’ without any clear business justification. This is likely to be personal. A key example of this latter one would be racism or any other form of discrimination in a team. If any of these are you, then I recommend coaching to address those issues and to help you make the right decisions for yourself moving forward.

I’m Claz, a Professional Career Coach based in West London, accredited in the UK. I am also a Life & Wellbeing Coach, working with individuals as well as organisations. You can contact me through my website www.touchofclarity.com. Sign up to my first positive assertiveness & boundary-setting workshop on Saturday 27th June 2020 at 15:00 on Zoom to learn more about the fundamentals alluded to in this post.

On Envy (& Jealousy) – Part I

11/06/202012/06/2020 touchofclarity

Over the past two weeks, two people have approached me about experiences they are having concerning jealousy. One person has told me that she is jealous of a friend. The other has told me that her friend is jealous of her. There are 3 points that I want to pick up on this:

The difference between envy and jealousy

Envy refers to a sadness at the sight of another’s perceived advantage. From the Latin invidia, meaning “to look against the affairs of others hostilely”, envy breeds resentment and turmoil eventually leading to begrudging the other, to selfishness and to implicit covetousness if it is not remedied.

Jealousy wants to vigilantly guard what one possesses (or wants to possess) and to keep others from having it. The etymology for this word brings up “zealous (which means a fiery kind of fervent), enthusiasm, and longing”.

Jealousy in its rightful and balanced form, isn’t a bad thing. A prime example of this is a marriage. It is right that a husband or wife vigilantly guard the marriage (the person possesses the grace & mission of marriage, but does NOT possess the person who is the spouse **very important**). What often goes wrong in jealousy is when that husband or wife forces the action of guarding beyond the point of vigilance into an extremity of paranoia, and knowingly or unknowingly interchanges guardianship of the sacrament of their marriage into a possession of their spouse. A human being is not the possession of another human being, and should never become one. This will lead to enslavement, objectification and imprisonment in both parties. The human being rightfully belongs only to God, but they have to want to choose that for themselves.

As mentioned, jealousy in its rightful and balanced form can be considered quite a healthy thing. However, envy, in any form is not a healthy thing. At all. Nothing about envy can be good for you, or for the other. Unfortunately, what many people don’t really realise, is that envy is beyond the human dimension. Envy is of a spiritual nature. So if someone is envious of another, there is no cure for this except by spiritual means. Envy employs your emotional, psychological and social (psychosocial) faculties, but the issue of the envy one experiences is not emotional or psychological or social at its very root. In other words, your thoughts, feelings and relational capacities are not the fundamental cause of the envy. We can then deduce that envy is not of human nature. However, the nature of envy can become manifest in anything human. This leads to the thoughts, feelings and relational circumstances where we would experience envy, which then of course fuel our decisions, choices and consequently our actions.

This highlights how the spiritual becomes manifest in the human being. There is a journey there, that envy takes, to infiltrate a person’s spiritual faculties, which they will feel the breadcrumbs of in their soul. And it’s here in the soul that envy will do most damage, depending on the person’s response to it. However, unless you are an extremely spiritual person, do some sort of reflection and recollection on yourself at the end of everyday through prayer and are conscious about where your moral compass is pointing at any one time, then it is very difficult to spot your own envy in yourself. It’s often either pointed out to you, or you notice the effects of the envy, by your own feelings, thoughts, choices, actions, and consequences of those actions.

So whilst jealousy may be taken out of its correct context and would still need addressing, the priority for me, would be to address envy. You’ve probably heard of something called the seven deadly sins? Well… envy kills you. And if you’re a spiritual person, it will kill your relationship with God. My primary concern for souls would be to address this – but it can’t be done on a purely human level. It requires spiritual work that combines your efforts, with that of divine help. There are 3 steps I would recommend to take:

Identify if you are envious, or jealous, or none of the above! Be honest, try to be objective when thinking about it and put your pride to the side during this task. I’ve put some questions below to help you discover if you are or not.
Increase your spiritual capacities. You will need them to remedy your envy.
Remedy the envy. This will take a lot of time, often a lot of painfulness, past hurts may come to the surface. The key to this is perseverance, and keep up your spiritual practice. I will write a blogpost on the remedy at a later date, but for your information, the 3 things necessary to remedying envy are:
1. Detachment
2. Deep generosity
3. Humility

So to help anyone who is perhaps experiencing envy, or knows somebody else who is, here is step 1 of my recommendation:

How do I know if I’m being envious?

Here are questions I would ask myself to determine if I’m being envious. Remember, be honest, try to be objective when thinking about it and put your pride to the side during this task. Answer these questions with a candle lit safely by your side, in a quiet place and time that is today’s ‘me-time’.

Is there something someone else has/doesn’t have/is/isn’t, that I have/don’t have/that I am/am not, which hurts me or which I can’t bear?
What is it that hurts/upsets me?
Where could that hurt/upset be coming from? (Reflect on your past, and do a lot of digging)
How is it taking me away from my true self and living out my values?
How is it affecting my productivity?
Where has it affected my (personal/professional) relationships? What have those outcomes been? What have the impacts of the outcomes been?
Which choices have I been making in my heart as a result of this?
Where have those choices stopped me from growing, overcoming and practising virtue or character strengths?
Where has this situation driven me to act irresponsibly, unfairly or irrationally?
Which concrete actions that have I taken were influenced by this hurt/upset, if any?
Could I survive without/with (without if your envy is because of a lack of; with if your envy is because there is too much of)? Could I excel without/with it?
What would the situation look like if I were not envious?

Answering these questions should give some clarity as to whether there is envy going on in any particular situation – whether that’s in personal or professional life. Envy is extremely detrimental in the workplace. It breeds:

Deterioration in trust
Irrational conflicts
Lack of commitment & focus / Increase in distraction & fault-picking
Avoidance of accountability
Diversion from achieving end goals and results

Managers can observe attitudes and behaviours stemming from envy, and should pull staff up on it gently and in the right way, should it be causing dysfunctionality within teams or inhibiting progress and team excellence. When a personal matter affects an organisation’s productivity, then managers have a duty of care to their staff, and can offer support or help. Nobody deserves to work in a negatively charged environment – whether that’s implicit of explicit.

Keep an eye out on my next blogpost for part II, containing the remedies to envy.

12 week LIVE online Healthy Eating & Wellbeing Programme – Winter 2020

26/11/201926/11/2019 touchofclarity

An action-focused Healthy Eating & Wellbeing Programme designed to progress you into looking, feeling and BEing healthier by Spring 2020!

Education. Accountability. Support. Action plan. Fun. Achieve.

Dates: On Tuesdays from 7th January – 31st March 2020 @ 20:00 GMT (London time). Half term (18th February) is taken into consideration.

Location: LIVE online webinar (Presentations delivered live online) + Live community forum available for accountability and community support.

Presented by: Claz Gomez – Healthy Eating & Wellbeing Therapist and Accredited Life Coach.

Cost: £54 for the entire programme. Includes online forum support. Individual coaching is available at additional cost. No refunds permitted within 7 days of the start of the programme.

Format of the session: 20-30 min of webinar teaching. 10 min breakdown of weekly activities. 20 min live Q&A with coaching.

Format of the week: Each person will be challenged with a set of tasks or activities to strive toward throughout the week. One of these is to motivate and support each other on the Winter 2020 Healthy Eating & Wellbeing Programme online forum (only nicknamed the HEW crew).

Outline

Week 1: Your Current Lifestyle & History

Description: Change behaviour and its impact on our general wellbeing, Personal eating history, Assessment of daily routine, Your weekly diary, Identify ‘red zone’ issues, Your body type.
Knowledge: Know thyself and thy history!

Week 2: Goals

Description: Establish your SMART goals for long-term effective change.
Knowledge: Your Why, Set Better Goals, Behaviour Goals

Week 3: Integrative energy intake

Description: Enhance your intake of energy into the ‘healthier’ zone in all 8 areas of wellbeing. Primary focus on nutritional energy.
Knowledge: Essential nutrients for the human body, choosing the most appropriate diet for your goals that doesn’t allow you to compromise on the other 7 areas of your wellbeing. Time vs money vs wellbeing.

Week 4: Menu Planning & Healthy Food Preparation Skills

Description: What’s in your kitchen? What shouldn’t be in your kitchen? Re-arrange your diary so that you make time to prepare your own meals. Plan for the week.
Knowledge: Kitchen clean up, Being prepared, Weekly meal planner, Healthy snacking available from your own cupboards.

Week 5: Self-awareness, Moderation, and Portion Sizes

Description: Eat for your body type. 3 strategies to prevent overeating. Self-awareness, body awareness. Tracking your fullness level. Change what isn’t working.
Knowledge: Macro breakdown for your body type, Recommended portion size guide, Moderation, Calorie education.

Week 6: Healthy Eating Check-in + Review

Description: Use this week to catch up on the lessons and guides, really plan your shopping list and meal prep, ask questions, share where you are stuck, get involved in the community forum, etc.! Repeat often until things become a habit!
Goal check in – how are you doing? Struggle? Schedule a meeting/call?

Week 7: Wellbeing Check-in + Review

Description: Use this week to review your progress, assess the impact of your changes on the other 7 areas of your wellbeing (e.g. emotional, occupational).
Overall wellbeing check & impact assessment. Behaviour change checklist.

Week 8: Metabolism & Physical activity

Description: Adding exercise to the picture.
Knowledge: Metabolism education (incl. hormones leptin & ghrelin), HIIT + Strength Training

Week 9: Sleep, Stress, + Self-care

Description: The difference between self-care and self-comfort, the impact stress has on your body (and goals), and creating a healthy sleep routine.
Knowledge: Hydration, Good + Bad Stress, Caffeine effects, Self-Care, Sleep, Recovery, Wellness Pyramid

Week 10: Detoxing, Fasting and Finding what might be right for you

Description: Detoxes, gut health, and intermittent fasting…
Knowledge: Detoxes, Gut Health, Pre-biotics and pro-biotics, Fasting

Week 11: Movement

Description: While strength and cardio work is useful, your most optimal results you will come from NEAT movement and healthy eating as becoming a daily priority.
Knowledge: NEAT Movement

Week 12: Living out your sustainable change

Description: Your change journey
Knowledge: The Change Formula & using it to your advantage moving forward.

Bookings now open

with a 25% discount until Christmas Day!

Wellbeing tips for employees working in desk-based office jobs – Pt I

09/07/201909/07/2019 touchofclarity

Today, I was at the Hounslow Chamber of Commerce’s Health & Wellbeing event, which was great. I left feeling really inspired by the speakers and the products/services on offer; but most of all it occurred to me that I’ve got so many tips to share about employee wellbeing in an office environment.

As a holistic massage therapist, healthy eating & wellbeing adviser, and a professional accredited life coach, I’ll unleash a multitude of tips to improve your wellbeing if you sit at a desk 5 days a week to keep a roof over your head and food on your table. My philosophy on wellbeing is very much centred on the 8 principles, or ‘keys’, featured in this picture: spiritual, social, emotional, intellectual/psychological, occupational, financial, environmental & physical. These make the sense of wellbeing holistic. But what is wellbeing?

I’ll be very honest and say that not much of what I’d learned in secondary school stuck. However, since I had the funniest Geography teacher, I happened to retain his teaching more than other subjects. I remember he taught us the difference between quality of life and standard of living. The definition of ‘quality of life’, which is complex when attempting to measure it in a scientific context, circumscribes a measure of the good-ness of multiple aspects of one’s life like (but not limited to) social, emotional, psychological state. Standard of living looks at the economic (financial) circumstances that may influence those aspects. The definition of ‘Wellbeing’ is very similar to that of ‘quality of life’ and could be considered as interchangeable in this day. When someone makes a personal assessment of their own life or of particular aspects of their life using measures of satisfaction, happiness, or other self-assessment scales, then solutions following the assessment are more often classed as ‘wellbeing’ than ‘quality of life’. So whilst wellbeing is defined by the Oxford English Dictionary as “the state of being comfortable, healthy, or happy.”, I would argue that wellbeing is simply, “the state of one’s being”, which can be self-measured using the 8 wellbeing keys/principles above.

Your wellbeing is part of you, and you bring that everywhere you go… including your workplace. So, here’s some tips to help improve your wellbeing in the office environment!!

SPIRITUAL

Spiritual wellbeing is the ability to experience and integrate meaning and purpose in life through a person’s connectedness with self, with God or other higher power, others, elements of creation or creativity.

Prayer / Meditation

Sadly, our workplaces are more often not very supportive of talking about ‘spirit’ or ‘spirituality’. I’m a big believer in prayer. By law, employees in the UK are entitled to work breaks, and I encourage you to read your contract if you don’t know your entitlement. There is no reason why part of that break can’t be allocated personally to prayer or meditation. Meditation, coming from the Latin meditatus means ““to think or reflect upon, consider, design, purpose, intend”.

Affirmation cards

Affirmation cards are a great thing to have in your drawer. You don’t even have to buy them… you can make them yourself! Picking up a card that says “I believe in me” or “I am grateful for…” or “You are enough” or “I won’t let fear hold me back today” when you’re going through a tough moment may uplift your spirits. As well as having them in your drawer, you can opt to make yourself a little vulnerable by handing some to the colleagues in your team so that when they notice that you are someone else is feeling downhearted, they can give you (or the other person) a card of their choice.

Retreat

Schedule a retreat into your diary at least once a year for at least 4 days. Make sure it has a spiritual element to it. I personally love the effects of 7 day silent retreats!

SOCIAL

If you’ve ever heard of Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs, the 3rd and 4th segments, which span psychological & self-fulfillment needs cover social wellbeing, which is the extent you feel a sense of belonging and social inclusion. A connected person is a supported person in the workplace. Lifestyles, ways of working together, value systems, traditions and beliefs are all important to our social well being and quality of life. We want to know that we are accepted for who we are within our daily workplace relationships.

Team volunteering at a local charity or community

Often, employers believe that it is essential for team-building to spend lots of money on the next team-building fad. I would like to let you know that whilst they may be fun, the context is usually lacking in authenticity and reality. If you want your team to bond, do it over something real, where other people can benefit from that time. There is no better way to bond than over voluntary work at your local charity or community. It may be a foodbank, it may be a tiny charity that need their garden cleared out (or a new one planted and maintained), it may be clearing rubbish or even establishing and promoting an environment-friendly campaign.

Opportunities to chat

I’m sure we’ve all experienced this… endless emails between co-workers who work just a few desks away through to a floor or two up! Would it be such a bad idea if the team ate one lunch-a-month together at a local cafe? After-work drinks are also an idea… but when I mean ‘after work’, I mean: if your normal working day finishes at 5pm, then stop working at 3:30, head to the pub, and pay them until 5pm.

Employee Assistance Programmes

Whilst I do believe that all employees would benefit from an employee assistance programme, the public and third sector organisations would most benefit from such a programme. The fact that these programmes offer trained counsellors and legal experts on the other end of the phone means that an employee doesn’t have to go through personal or work-related problems alone. Having an employee assistance programme ensures that employees will always have someone independent to talk to confidentially.

EMOTIONAL

Not only does our working lives contribute a great deal to our emotional wellbeing, but that’s also the truth the other way round. Our emotional wellbeing contribute a great deal to our working lives – from how we handle pressure (resilience), to how well we perform. When we are not emotionally well, we may lack a sense of purpose and achievement. This then has a knock-on effect on self-esteem and confidence. A negative loop could then result from this. Although related to emotional wellbeing, stress will be covered under psychological/intellectual tips.

Praise & motivation

Anyone who has been through solid management training will know that praise and motivation is essential for the emotional wellbeing of their team. If you are a manager, please find creative ways of giving due recognition to your team and use the myriad of sites available on the internet to build creative motivation into your daily weekly work plan.

Bring the ocean to you

Very few people in the world would say that when they went to the beach, they had such a bad experience that just the thought of the sea provokes negative feelings and/or emotions. It may be too many miles away, but today’s technology can bring the sea to you! Stick your headphones on, open up youTube (if you can), type in ‘ocean sounds’, and pick from hundreds of videos of the ocean, listening to it whilst you close your eyes and imagine you are at the beach. LoungeV Films have a huge range of different nature sounds that you are bound to like one of! Our sense of hearing is extremely powerful… so give your ears a treat.

Find peace… through your nose

I absolutely love the private collection of home fragrances by the ethical Rituals company. I was in their flagship Covent Garden store the other day when a delightful young French sales assistant told me about their wonderful philosophy, which I absolutely connected with. Although it’s a home fragrance, as long as it doesn’t irritate neighbouring co-workers, you could spray one or two shots over your seat/desk. Choose a fragrance that you feel makes you feel positive and peaceful. It’ll be like bringing the spa to your workplace!

So here are the first set of tips for improved wellbeing for employees in a workplace, if the employees sit at a desk for the majority of their work day. There’s loads more tips to come!