Blog

The power of forgiveness to set us free

We’ve all heard the saying: to err is human, to forgive, divine. Forgiveness is perhaps the most powerful healing force possible, yet so few are acutely aware of or in touch with this interior power, and even fewer are truly transformed by it. I suppose this is one of the reasons why I run a Forgiveness, Healing and Freedom workshop. I want every single human being to know that no matter what, each of us has the power to forgive and experience its transformational capability. 

Interestingly, I began to put together the workshop on forgiveness, because every single time I ran a love languages workshop (for details about the next workshop, see my events page), there was often a huge barrier presenting in some attendees’ capacity to love authentically. The symptoms show in feelings of resentment, hostility, anger, and hatred toward another person, or system, or body of people (whether outwardly or subtly); and there is only one antidote to this blockage: forgiveness. 

For love to be authentic, it needs to be both given and received in freedom. So when there is something holding a person captive from acting genuinely in love, a process (or what I prefer to call a journey of growth) needs to take place. Forgiveness is just one of these stages (similar to any experience of change), as is the stage of interior healing, and then of course, freedom. At this point can love be given and received fully, without barriers and with a purity that would demonstrate the brilliance of love itself. I like to think of the aura around this love being peace, although I note these as two different things. 

It is impossible to avoid being hurt by others. Even those of us with faith know a certain painfulness of developing an intimate relationship with God that in more advanced stages feels like rejection and abject hurt. This is an arena that I study in my own time and if you ever want to converse with me about that, feel free to drop me a line. But as human beings, even these moments of clemency can transform us from being bitter and repressive to joy-filled and free. Regardless of whether the other person who has hurt us apologises, shows remorse, or is deemed deserving of our mercy, the gift and journey of forgiveness has its highest value first and foremost in the one who has been hurt. The ripple effect of that ultimate ‘letting go’ finds benefit in everyone around them, including the person who offended, as a secondary outcome. This is the most perfect route of forgiveness.

At the same time, the importance of worth comes into the picture. Whilst some of the people I work with come to terms with what it is they have to ‘let go’ of, others are approaching me to help them temper their capacity to forgive as they are finding themselves (in their own words) being a ‘pushover’. Interestingly, for people who consider themselves a pushover, it’s not the area of forgiveness that needs work. In fact, it seems to me they got that spot on. It could be that there is some work to be done in the healing arena, and a deeper diagnosis would be necessary to identify that. But certainly, for someone who feels like a pushover there will be some work to be done in the freedom stage of the journey. The journey ought to end in authentic mutuality of love – given and received freely. Freedom exists for the sake of love and is unquestionably different to this concept and lifestyle of ‘license’, which skews and warps the very truth of love itself. Nobody has any right to treat another as a pushover, unless they have been given license to do so. Understanding and practising freedom rightly enables authentic love to take place.

The journey to love can be a very difficult one, yes – a journey of valleys and mountains influencing our emotions and logic. But I’d like you all to remember that every journey takes time. Love needs its time. Perhaps this message is especially for one of my readers who simply needs to learn the art of waiting in hopeful anticipation for love to takes its course. Come to know that point of peace that spurs you into good acts void of resentment, hostility, anger and hatred. And if you’d like to walk through the process, then you’re welcome to join my next forgiveness, healing and freedom workshop taking place in summer 2021 (date tbc)!

Love, Claz.


I’m Claz, a Life & Career Coach working with individuals as well as organisations, accredited in the UK. You can contact me through my website www.touchofclarity.com and sign up to my workshops on my Eventbrite Page. I am also a holistic massage & wellbeing therapist based in West London and treatments can be booked on my scheduling site.

Next level interview tips not commonly found on the internet

(in no particular order)

You’re already worth ££££s!!!

In 2020, it costs an employer on average, £3k to recruit someone into a role. If you have been invited to an interview, accept that your success in being shortlisted means that the interviewing panel will have already seen value in you on paper. Approaching an interview believing and proving that you are worth every penny of that spend will have an impact on how you perform at the interview. Remember: They wouldn’t have brought you this far if they didn’t find you worth a £3000 risk!

Unfair recruitment

If at any point you feel that you have been unfairly treated or discriminated against, go straight onto the ACAS website for further advice.

Confidence

Interviewees often forget this: the company needs you, just as much, or even more so, than you need the company. Sometimes, interviewees attend interviews with a kind of desperation for the job. If the interviewee has been applying for jobs for some time now and has faced rejection after rejection, they might also bring that sense of defeatism into their interview performance. Trust me, recruiters can sense if you are simply desperate for *any* job at this stage. Approach your interview believing you are there to fill in the gap that they really need filled in – in other words, that they need you, and you’re there to help them out! Due to what is essentially a power-shift, this approach and attitude will boost your confidence massively in an interview and will help you perform to your best.

The company/organisation have a mission and a purpose to fulfil. How much have you bought into / are you invested in their vision? Are you entirely sure that their values align with yours? If so, don’t be afraid to briefly drop elements of that part of yourself into the interview. In fact, if this company/organisation is geared toward fulfilling a purpose that you strongly resonate with and are yourself passionate about, don’t be afraid to show your passion and enthusiasm for their goals. Passion speaks for a lot in interviews, and some of the best recruiters do recruit on potential more than experience, provided the passion and drive to excel in achieving the mission and purpose is there. However, if you aren’t that passionate about the employer’s mission, then please, don’t fake it. It comes across badly at interviews. P.S. this often triple-ticks the ‘company research’ box.

Be confident but not arrogant or cocky. 

Interview content

Answer the questions the interviewer is asking you. This is very important. This requires first that you listen very carefully to their question, deciphering what information the interviewer is wanting from you. For example, if you are asked the question ‘What did you learn from that experience?’, telling them how you learned something isn’t answering the question. You need to provide the employer evidence that you meet their criteria. Waffling on with irrelevant information will not only set your chances of landing the role back, but it will also take up precious time you need to ask your own questions.

If the interviewer is asking you to retell lived experiences of a certain situation or scenario, then start off with the experiences that you feel highlight your value the most in their eyes. The job description will reveal to you what that is! Usually, employers will most value the experience you gained in a work capacity. If you’re lacking that level of experience, then go through your voluntary and community-based experiences, finally giving personal experiences – being very mindful of how much and what you are revealing about yourself and your private life.

If you are not recruited…

Always ask for feedback.

DO something with that feedback. Learn from it. Write down what you learned from the interview and the whole process. What did you learn about the process itself? What did you learn about the company/industry? What did you learn about the people involved? What did you learn about yourself? What needs to change?

Once you’ve put down your lessons in writing, let the interview GO. Take from that whole experience what you need to take from it and move on. Failure to do this is only setting yourself up for self-sabotage. Take these learnings into a reflection activity. Or even bring them to a career coach, who can help you decide what decisions you have to make moving forward. As a saying goes: Everything in life happens as a lesson or as a blessing. My advice is: just strive to transform all your work-related lessons into a hope-filled blessing.


If you are recruited…

Still, write down everything your learned. You learn as much from your successes as you learn from your trials. Sure, you don’t grow as much from success as you grow through trial and failure, but that doesn’t mean you don’t learn something. Put it down in writing because this contributes toward your personal and professional development reviews and planning.


A person holding a sign

Description automatically generated

I’m Claz, a Life & Career Coach working with individuals as well as organisations, accredited in the UK. You can contact me through my website www.touchofclarity.com and sign up to my workshops on my Eventbrite Page. I am also a holistic massage & wellbeing therapist based in West London and treatments can be booked on my scheduling site.

Do you have what it takes to change?

Change is happening all around us. It’s also happening in us and to us. All the time. Yet, now, more than ever, we are visibly seeing change accentuated in such a way as to now recognise it, or at least recognise its impact – that we may prepare and act more effectively and proficiently towards it. 

Some of us have lost loved ones to Covid-19. The loss of another human being in our life can emotionally and psychologically turn us upside down, potentially creating huge changes in every wellbeing key in our life. Our ways of working and living may have changed because of external factors that are beyond our control. Brexit is on its way – are we really preparing ourselves for the foreseeable change it may bring to us in the UK, or even in Europe?

For me, growth is demanding me to change my business model, resulting in a split in my holistic therapy services from my coaching services. The foreseeable hard work is a little daunting, yes, but Touch of Clarity shall allow me to personally continue coaching determined individuals to create impacting and sustainable change in their lives giving my new business room to liberate many more life-lovers & health enthusiasts from physiological underperformance. I’m focused on my goal, which has always been to help people within my capacity. The change required is simply the ‘how’ of it. 

Here are 7 traits that help people adapt more readily to change. See how you do with these…

Adaptability: Adaptability includes two elements: flexibility and resilience. Flexible people have goals and dreams like everyone else, but they’re not overly invested in them. When something doesn’t work out, they’ll say, “Plan A doesn’t work, let’s go to Plan B.” Resilience is the capacity to rebound from adversity quickly with a minimum of trauma. Failure or mistakes do not limit or stop adaptable people from continuum. 

Resourcefulness: Resourceful people are effective at taking the most of any situation and developing plans and contingencies using whatever resources are available to them at the time. They see multiple ways to achieve a goal, and they’ll think ‘out of the box’ in order to find help. Resourcefully creative people have a real talent for inventing new ways to solve old problems. 

Optimism: Optimism is highly correlated with change readiness. Optimists naturally recognise opportunities and possibilities whilst the pessimist’s natural inclination is to remain paralysed with problems and obstacles. The enthusiasm and positive outlook of an Optimist is founded on an abiding faith in the future and the belief that things usually work out for the best. 

Confidence: If optimism is the view that a situation will work out, confidence is the belief in your own ability to handle it. There is situational confidence: “I know I can swim across this channel, learn this program, write this report”. And there’s self-confidence: “I can handle whatever comes my way.” 

Adventurousness: Two ingredients capture this adventurous spirit: the inclination to take risks and the desire to pursue the unknown. Adventurous people love a challenge. Since change always involves both risk and the unknown, they usually perform well during major situations requiring change. 

Tolerance for Ambiguity: The offspring of change is uncertainty. No matter how carefully you plan it, there is always an element of indefiniteness or ambiguity. Without a healthy tolerance for ambiguity, change is not only uncomfortable; it’s downright scary. 

Passion / Drive: Passion is the fuel that maximizes all the other traits. If you have passion, nothing appears impossible. If you don’t, change is exhausting. Passion is the individual’s level of personal dynamism. It shows up in a person’s level of intensity and determination. 

To make a new procedure/process/lifestyle work, to overcome the myriad of problems that any plan for change unwittingly produces, you’ve got to have passion and enthusiasm. 

As with all traits, it’s not about reaching extremes with them. If we have too much of the trait, we may lack certain skills and/or attitudes needed to get us through the change. It’s the same if we present with too little of the same trait. This is where a change coach really comes in handy, as they can identify quite quickly where there are imbalances in certain traits. There are multiple ways of identifying that: the coaching conversation is, of course, the best way, but there are also assessments that help with this too. 

Learning Emotional Intelligence according to your Learning Style

Learning Emotional Intelligence according to your Learning Style

I’ve recently been engaging in a few Emotional Intelligence (henceforth EI) conversations on LinkedIn and it dawned in me that it might be helpful for people to see some tips for learning emotional intelligence according to their learning styles. For the sake of this article, let’s assume you already know what your learning style is. If you don’t already know what it is, the diagram to the right, which is based on Honey & Mumford Learning Style theories will help you determine what it (or they, if you have a blended approach to learning) is.

The next thing is to understand what EI is and which EI model is being referring to below. Salovey & Mayer (1990), prominent researchers in the field of EI defined emotional intelligence as “the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one’s own thinking and action”. This line of work has helped us to understand that people vary in their capacity to recognise, comprehend, utilise, communicate and manage emotions and that these differences influence people’s performance in a variety of contexts, including relationships and work.

In 1999, Salovey, Mayer and Caruso developed a model that considers one’s ability as a set of competencies within the parameters of the above definition. This Ability Model presents 4 domains:

  • The ability to perceive emotions
  • The capacity to use emotions to facilitate thinking
  • The ability to understand emotions
  • The ability to manage (or regulate) emotions

The most recent model of emotional intelligence was developed by Petrides and his team in 2007 and consists of four components:

  • Wellbeing: Confidence & self-esteem, optimism, and happiness
  • Sociability: Social competence & awareness, assertiveness, and the capacity to manage other people’s emotions
  • Self-control: Stress management, low impulsivity, adaptability, self-motivation, and emotion regulation
  • Emotionality: Emotional perception of oneself and others, emotion expression, relationship, and conveying empathy.

It is this model, the Trait Emotional Intelligence model that I’m applying the Learning Styles to. Let’s explore how emotional intelligence can be learned according to your learning style. 

For the ACTIVISTS among you

The best way for activists to learn to perceive emotions, improve capacity to use emotions for thinking, and understand and manage emotions, is by experiencing these things personally and absorbing the lessons presented experientially. When those things are lived out in daily life or a life event, activists are better able to connect dots in their minds and hearts that were once hypothetical or assumptions-based about their emotional intelligence. Turning their personal EI into a life project or short-term practical assignment that is measurable and tangibly impactful is the most natural way for activists to develop those skills. Activists are generally self-development oriented, so they’ve got this motivation behind them.

A draw back with this learner style is that activists tend to look for the next big challenge without really having reflected on the learning from the previous lesson. Once this blind-spot has been recognised, it’s really important for the activist to take their time to reflect well, instill deep in themselves all the learning that they took out of those lessons, and to figure out how they can translate that learning into actions that improve their wellbeing, sociability, self-control and emotionality in the future. 

Here’s a few ideas for activists:

  • Take the Trait Emotional Intelligence Questionnaire (short version) (you’ll need to make a £30 donation to the company) and then see where your strengths and weaknesses are. Decide what you might want to develop. Self-analysis is very important to do every 1-3 years of our life.
  • Seek feedback from others in order to gain wider perspective. You might come to an emotional conclusion on something that another has not come to the same emotional conclusion on. This requires real two-way communication.
  • This one will take a lot of humility, but it’s a super effective one: ask others to give you their opinion on your reactions to things. You will learn an awful lot, or an awful lot will be affirmed for you! This will serve to educate your self-control as well as your emotionality.
  • Perseverance is key for you to reach that potential for growth in emotional intelligence. Where the temptation is to skip onto the next thing that you might be good or better at, you are in the here and now… so don’t lose out on this opportunity that could potentially be a game-changer for you in the future. Think ‘slow down, reflect & absorb’.
  • Take responsibility for how you’ve made others feel. Then put into practice your action points. Here’s where you up your sociability game.
  • Connect with your own emotions, come to understand them in your inner reality and accept that they exist. People have different ways of doing that. My way is to shrug my shoulders, smile and say… OK! Well to wellbeing, I say!

For the REFLECTORS among you

Reflectors learn primarily through observing credible and experienced role-models. The method that works best for them is in-person but standing back from the action and pondering from the sidelines. They like to discuss reflections and plans with a mentor who they feel can walk the talk. Having said that, reflectors surprisingly also pick up these lessons from books, articles and case studies. As the most cautious and most reluctant risk-takers of all four types of learners, reflectors tend to come to emotional conclusions after they have had a good, long and thorough think-through of the situation, collecting and analysing as much data about the experience or event in order to come to the most informed decision possible. Is it any wonder they tend to make the best listeners, and be the last to speak in meetings and discussions! They’re often the last to jump to conclusions or make rash judgements too.

Because of their extremely cautious nature, reflectors may delay their learning in emotional intelligence. This is mainly due to the foreseeable risk-taking involved in being emotionally intelligent. Reflectors will understand well that emotional intelligence is proven in practice.

Here’s a few ideas for reflectors:

  • Start. Just start. Trust in your own abilities to learn along the way. Once you’ve started, don’t stop. Build up your courage to keep going. Learning by mistake is a much better outcome, than by not learning at all.
  • Approach role models for their stories and/or ask friends, family, acquaintances to share with you how they learned to manage risks, build confidence, become socially aware, develop self-control and regulate their emotions.
  • Watch YouTube videos on the subject.
  • Observe yourself as much as you observe others. Since reflectors generally love taking notes, note down how you react to people and how you make judgements about a situation. Reflectors tend to do really well with journaling.
  • Learn more about risk management.
  • Use your wonderful observational and reflection skills to spin the mirror on yourself. What are you learning about yourself? What needs working on, or a different approach? If there is a blockage on self-reflection: a) imagine this experience took place in third person (don’t habitualise this though) and write down your learnings, and b) address the inability to self-reflect.
  • Self-evaluate against the 2007 EI components above.

For the THEORISTS among you

Concepts. Theorists love to understand and rationalise concepts. Consider concepts and theories as the foundational building blocks to a Theorist’s learning. Anything nonsensical is often anathema to a Theorist, and therein lies a potentially huge problem since some of the most acute emotions we experience are seldom logical! So emotions can become a problem to be solved in the Theorist – and they’re likely to do that through theory-based courses with well-qualified and experienced trainers, well-written manuals or books and articles. Our Theorist friends are the most analytical and rationalistic of all four learning types because of how much they naturally value principles, theories, models and systems thinking. 

The greatest struggle for the Theorist when it comes to learning emotional intelligence is the two-way blind-spot of assimilation. Firstly, the theorist may automatically separate one’s own personal experience from the analysis – as if it were a hypothetical situation. Take for example, grief. To learn and grow from grief requires a genuine lived and felt experience of every nuance that comes as part and parcel of grief. Theorising the situation removes from it authentic human experience. Sometimes, the human experience is beyond theory and logic, so must be lived rather by mystery and what is super (above/beyond) – natural: supernatural. Secondly, should the theorist be able to rationalise the experience into a logical scheme and thought, the risk is to leave it as such, and not use this new-found knowledge to learn about oneself, and to reach the deep human lesson of the self from it. The potential detachment between theory and lived experienced, and discomfort caused by subjective judgement is something that theorists need to watch out for in their learning.

Here’s a few ideas for theorists:

  • Spend time, on occasion, focusing solely on knowing yourself. I’ll repeat that. Knowing yourself. Not rationalising yourself. Just… knowing yourself. There is a greater intimacy between knowing a person and rationalising a person. EI is personable. Yes, it might be unnatural at first… but build a routine habit of it. Getting to know yourself will be a huge step in learning EI.
  • Get in touch with your perception of the world – living and non-living things. This will boost your wellbeing and emotionality levels.
  • Yes, facts and the objective is very, very important. In fact, it’s critical. But so is the subjective experience – otherwise, how can one say something is ‘real’? Philosophers have spent many years exploring the balance between the intellect (the guiding force behind rational thought) and the will (the guiding force behind subjective experience).
  • Theorise on this: Realist Phenomenology
  • Find a way to systemise or analyse your emotional reactions over a longer period of time. Study the data, what does it reveal to you?
  • Even though you may be able to detach your subjective experience from a logical occurrence, it doesn’t mean that others can do that as easily. If for example at some point you’re perceived as ‘indifferent’ or ‘uncaring’, this is a sign or a signal that someone else’s feelings have been triggered or impacted by your actions or words at a deep emotional level.
  • Take responsibility for your words and actions, and make efforts to listen ‘to the heart’ of the people in your life. Learn to be sincere in your apologies.

For the PRAGMATISTS among you

Pragmatists who actively develop their EI are their own real-life project and are perhaps the most keen of all learning types on self-development and self-growth. Transforming their learning into practical use is one of a pragmatist’s greatest strengths, and this is why they greatly value the help of someone who gives valuable feedback and coaching. Knowledge can’t just remain theoretical to the pragmatist… they’ll want to see it brought to life in practice, and enjoy trying out new things, new ideas and experimenting. So when it comes to learning EI, they are generally open to constructive criticism and tend to be more open to change in themselves. Pragmatists really do thrive on knowledge and have a special love of learning. Others who support pragmatists would be encouraged to champion the energy and excitement of some new idea or project proposal that has generated a speed of action, confidence and motivation. They’re fast learners and fast movers generally though – so supporters can equally be encouraged to help pragmatists pause for a moment and consider all option.

The danger of the pragmatist is that they can enjoy experimenting so much, that they risk bringing this ‘experimentation’ into their most valuable and important relationships, doing some serious damage along the way. In order to progress and develop themselves, pragmatists might be willing to, or adopt an attitude of, using or ignoring the other person to achieve this. The warning signs of this are when the subjective reality (the feelings and experience) of the other person is no longer of concern to the pragmatist. This is when the pragmatist has the most amount of learning and self-reflection to do! Having said that, they are real natural problem-solvers, and an emotionally developed pragmatist will have both the knowledge and the means to restore relationships (at least from their end). 

Here’s a few ideas for pragmatists:

  • Know that a lot of decision-making is pragmatic for you. Sometimes, this isn’t always the best course of action. Consider other options on occasion too, before taking action.
  • Take the Trait Emotional Intelligence Questionnaire (short version) (you’ll need to make a £30 donation to the company) and then see where your strengths and weaknesses are. Decide what you might want to develop. Self-analysis is very important to do every 1-3 years of our life.
  • Attend an EI course or workshop.
  • Have a long-term coach in your life who will help you increase your awareness of personal wellbeing, sociability, self-control and emotionality. Hire a coach specifically for this, and watch your EI growth accelerate! 
  • Don’t forget to examine your reactions to distressing situations. Develop action plans for mitigating risks in making same mistakes over and over.
  • Check in on your emotional wellbeing for yourself, but also through the feedback and opinion of those closest to you.
  • Accept that you’ll always be a work-in-progress (WIP)!
  • Build in a routine of ‘preparatory work’ into the early stages of your learning journey. Ask yourself: “how will my actions affect others?” “How will my decision impact others?” “How can I help others manage the impact of my decision?” 
  • Remember that we can’t change other people. We can only change ourselves. Other people aren’t problems to be solved, but human beings to be loved.

I’ve opened up this post for comments and discussion! Feel free to share your thoughts, corrections, opinions, suggestions etc! 


I’m Claz, a Life & Career Coach working with individuals as well as organisations, accredited in the UK. I am also a holistic massage & wellbeing therapist based in West London. You can contact me through my website www.touchofclarity.com and sign up to my workshops on my Eventbrite Page.

3 things to consider if you want to attract millennials onto your Boards

More and more, we are seeing companies and charitable organisations making efforts to attract millennials into their Non-Executive or Leadership Boards.

Although these statements below are fairly general statements, they are very helpful for Baby Boomer and Boomer II generations to consider in order to attract millennials to offer their time, energies and skills (particularly in digital) to Boards and Executive teams.

  1. Millennials are values and authenticity driven

If an organisation doesn’t know its mission, vision and values, or can’t communicate that effectively, then the millennial is going to want to help the org identify, name, and promote its fundamental raison d’être! Millennials join Boards where their energy and efforts will produce outcome and impact for the common good and for the development of other human beings. Don’t fob off a millennial for not having a particular skill necessary to join your Board. If your organisation’s mission aligns totally with their values, the millennial is going to learn and eventually master that skill in order to be of better service to the organisation’s mission.

If an organisation has their mission, vision and values clearly defined, but don’t live out the ethos authentically in its BAU and culture, the Board will soon lose (or not even attract) its millennial.

2. Millennials appreciate good governance, fairness and transparency

Organisations that harbour secrecy and exclusivity within its organisational culture and performance is a turn off to millennials. This is a generation of people who believe in equality, diversity and value. It believes in fairness, openness and healthy governance to achieve those things, and that requires selfless and humble leadership. If you want to bring a millennial into your Board, be prepared to answer to injustice, abuse of power and hidden agendas – because they will bring it up as an agenda item if they sense it existing anywhere in the organisation.

Likewise, millennials will use their position as leaders to prevent any case for injustice, abuse of power and hidden agendas. They’re generally prepared to stand up for what is right. This means that Boards need to be prepared to hear things that they might not want to hear or that potentially cause discomfort.

3. Millennials are the perfect inter-technological generation to seek expertise from

Millennials are the generation that had the best of both worlds: playing outside in the garden eating worms and playing at home on their gameboys, Nintendos or Sega consoles. They learned to touch type to 65wpm at the age of 14 (well, at least I did) but also developed inter-personal communication skills in the playgrounds close to home. Digital is a natural and efficient environment to be manoeuvring and using; so if a millennial combines their digital with their effective communication skills, you’ll discover heart-led and meaningful business solutions that will increase outreach and engagement with clients, customers or beneficiaries in the post millennial generations.

Last few words…

Millennials have become victims of its preceding generation’s tendencies. Previously, recruitment into Boards (and even into employable positions) was based on a candidate proving that they already had the necessary skills to do the job. I sincerely believe it’s time for a change in that regard. Boomers deserve congratulations for having worked hard and merited the skills to the high levels they have developed. Part of the reason for this is that the Boomer generations have often spent many more years on average in the same organisations, meaning their leadership experience tends to be more secure. Millennials don’t stay in the same organisations for as long. Therefore, their leadership skills are developed differently. If you feel that a potential candidate might not have the leadership experience you are looking for in your Board, provided you have a strong existing group of leaders capable of mentoring or supporting the millennial, then give the millennial a chance to show you what they’re really capable of. The millennial leader is a natural change-maker and will invest surprising amounts of time and energy in bringing the organisation closer to its fundamental mission, vision and values.

Glossary of Terms related to Self-Confidence

This glossary or terms has been put together as a way of understanding the deeper meaning of the word, according to its Latin etymology. For the few words like ‘shy’, which don’t have Latin origin, I’ve taken the old English meaning (often rooted in old Norse or old French).

Faith (Latin: fides as above)- To trust, to believe

Confidence (Latin: Con=with; fidere (same root as fides)) – With trust, with belief, assurance in, reliance of

Self-confidence – As above + in oneself

Love (affective) – to cherish, delight in, approve (for the sake of the other’s good, and not as a means to one’s own self-gratification or self-satisfaction)

Self-belief – Conviction of the truth of oneself

Self-interest – a motive of human action oriented purely to oneself

Ego – the conscious and permanent subject of one’s own mental experiences and free decisions

Self-worth – the inherent significance, value and dignity of oneself

Humility – grounded, down to earth, authentic perception of one’s state

Self-esteem – to value -, determine the value of -, appraise -, oneself

Arrogance – a manifest feeling of superiority of one’s worth or importance, combined with contempt of others

Self-respect – act of regarding -, a looking at -, observe -, oneself

Self-acceptance – take or receive willingly the self. This notion assumes that one receives oneself as a gift unto themselves and unto others [and the necessity of the divine Gift-Giver]

Self-centred – assignation of a point round which things revolves being oneself. Also meaning engrossed in the self combined with little regard for others

Selfish – Often a momentary motive behind an act that is self-seeking, self-ended, self-ful.  Tends to be seen as lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure

Egocentric – Often a behavioural trait or dispositional characteristic centred in or arising from a person’s own individual existence or perspective without regard for the feelings or desires of others

Self-doubt – to dread -, fear -, be afraid -, be of two minds -, undecided -, in and of oneself

Optimistic – disposed to take the most hopeful view of a matter

Hopeful – to be full of confident expectation

Persevering – continue steadfastly, persist

Resilient – inclined to leap or spring back (from set-backs, adversity)

Shy – timid, easily startled, shrinking from -, avoidance of -, contact with others

Scared – to experience: fright, to shrink from, shun, prevention of, aversion of

Persistence – abide, continue steadfastly

Fear – irrational panic, horror, or aversion

Afraid – to take out of peace

 

A massive thank you to the Online Etymology Dictionary for its help in this!

2021 REVIVE ME CHALLENGE

FB cover - 12 week healthy eating wellbeing programme - Jan 20-3

A 12 week action-focused community-led Health & Wellbeing Programme designed to progress you into looking, feeling and BEing healthier by Spring 2021!

Education. Accountability. Support. Action plan. Fun. Achieve.

Dates: On Wednesdays from 6th January – 31st March 2021 @ 20:00 GMT (London time). Half term (17th February) is taken into consideration.

Location: LIVE online webinar (Presentations delivered live online, and live community forum available for accountability and community support).

Presented by: Claz Gomez – Health & Wellbeing Therapist and Accredited Life Coach.

Cost: £54 for the entire programme. This works out at £4.50 per week. Includes online forum support throughout the week. No refunds permitted within 7 days of the start of the programme. EARLY BIRD TICKETS COST 50% LESS UNTIL 23RD DECEMBER 2020, and first 10 go free!

Format of the session: 1hr total: 20-30 min of webinar teaching. 10 min breakdown of weekly activities. 20 min live Q&A or free discussion with coaching.

Format of the week: Each person will be challenged with a set of tasks or activities to strive toward throughout the week. One of these is to motivate and support each other on the Winter 2021 Healthy Eating & Wellbeing Programme online forum (only nicknamed the HEW crew).

Who is this programme suitable for? This programme is for:

  • Individuals or families wanting to manage their weight and prevent obesity
  • Health enthusiasts needing a systematic boost in planning and motivation
  • Chronic disease and illness sufferers in need of relief from their physiological aches and pains
  • Individuals who want to optimise their physiological balance & performance
  • Smokers wanting to approach their cessation holistically
  • Stressed & burned out workers who desire to build a healthy routine into their lifestyle to promote recovery
  • Fitness fanatics recently rehabilitating from injury
  • Anyone who is simply striving to achieve better work/life balance
  • Those who are struggling with sleep issues

———————————————————-

Outline

Week 1: Know your body, your lifestyle & your history

Week 2: Establish your goals

Week 3: Integrative energy intake

Week 4: Menu planning & Healthy food preparation skills

Week 5: Self-awareness, Moderation and Portion Sizes

Week 6: Healthy Eating Check-in + Review

Week 7: Wellbeing Check-in + Review

Week 8: Metabolism & Physical activity

Week 9: Sleep, Stress, Self-care

Week 10: Detoxing, Fasting and Finding what might be right for you

Week 11: Movement & Exercise

Week 12: Living out your sustainable change

———————————————————-

Get in touch if you have any questions about this programme. Watch my video to learn about why I am putting on this programme.

————————————–

REFUND POLICY: No refunds within 7 days prior to start of the programme.

Bookings now open

hewsum19 booking button

Tackle procrastination with something so… SIMPLE

Simplifying life, goals, objectives and tasks is part of the solution to procrastination as simplicity purifies and clarifies the path ahead, making it more attractive to bear. Here are 6 suggested approaches to make things more… SIMPLE! This works best in reverse order!

 

S – STREAMLINE

Streamline any processes by designing a system of working that presents very little resistance to flow of intentionality, increasing productivity and efficiency of those less enjoyable tasks. One example of this: schedule a specific time to allow for distractions. Otherwise, 100% focus. Another example is to schedule timed bursts of productivity like the Pomodoro method.

I – IDENTIFY

Get to know and understand the root cause of the procrastination. Work with a coach to get clarity on the root of procrastination so that it can be addressed and overcome moving forward. This needs to be addressed in order to avoid ‘regular bouts’ of procrastination. Importantly, there could be deeper issues there making procrastination an outcome.

M – MILESTONES & MOOD

Set deadlines. Enter specific milestones into a diary (or a project planning software if the objective is big enough).

Sometimes a particular mood is required for optimal productivity. Mood regulation (aka emotional control) is a helpful self-mastery technique enabling fluidity & consistency of productiveness.

P – PRIORITISE

Using the Eisenhower Matrix is a great way to sort a task list out into 4 categories of priorities. When one knows the order of one’s life and activities, one can organise and plan accordingly. Do remember though: more often than not, time management is not the root cause of procrastination, and for long-term changes away from procrastination, the issue will have to be solved at the deepest level.

L – LESSEN

Procrastination presents a gap between intention and action. Lessening this gap could take all sorts of forms including giving a personal meaning to the task, rewarding oneself as an incentive to complete a task earlier than needed, trying different motivational methods that will work, and forgiving oneself from procrastinating and starting again with a fresh slate.

E – EASY

Yes. Make the tasks easier for yourself. If what has to be done is complex or large, break things down. Take baby steps if necessary, or go ahead and just ‘eat that frog’ (which isn’t that easy – but for those people whose core values include ‘challenge’, this might be the right way forward)! Try different things.

 


3

I’m Claz, a Professional Life, Career & Wellbeing Coach based in West London, accredited in the UK. I work with individuals as well as organisations providing high-end coaching. I also run affordable workshops that you can check out on my events page. Alternatively, you can contact me through my website www.touchofclarity.com.

7 steps to decision-making clarity

🤷‍♀️ Why do people get stuck when making a decision?

timj-Vrv_nZHaFTc-unsplash
Photo by timJ on Unsplash

That’s a really good question, and there may be many answers to it! This is why I find it helpful to take a systematic and structured approach to the decision-making thought process. At every stage self-awareness is as necessary as the content that surfaces when thinking through a decision. Many obstacles and hindrances to decision-making often and subtly surface up into the light but can then be excused by the irrational self. In these moments, it can be a challenge to have clear perception.

Whether you are making a life-changing decision about your relationships, your career, your life goals yourself or your wellbeing, here is my 7 step personal decision-making approach for clarity. I hope it will save you time, stress and ultimately heartache, when trying think through your decision!

 

Step 1: Define your situation

This is where it begins!

The more self-knowledgeable you are, the faster you will pass through this stage. Here, you’ll get to weigh up the significance of this decision you’re making against who you are, what you stand for, where you’re heading, and decide whether this decision needs to be taken now.

If you are a person of faith, then you will also want to bring God into this entire journey.

Self-Coaching questions for step 1

What is/are… [aka Define]:

  • the significance of this decision?
  • your needs?
  • your priorities?
  • your wants?
  • your vision, mission & values?
  • the implications if you do not make a decision about this?
  • the ideal decision?
  • the timing of your decision?

 

Step 2: Clarify what you’re making a decision about

Clarifying what the driving and resisting forces of this decision are, what is influencing the decision and how much power those influences have over you and your decision, as well as gaining insight into your decision-making strengths and weaknesses will help clarify what your decision is really about.

Self-Coaching questions for step 2

Clarify:

  • how does this decision align with your values?
  • how does this decision align with your goals & vision?
  • how does this decision align with your purpose & mission?
  • what are your decision-making strengths and weaknesses?
  • what are the driving forces in your decision?
  • what are the resisting forces in your decision?
  • what are the influencing factors in your decision?
  • what gaps are there in your knowledge, skills, competencies and experience re this decision?
  • who is/are influencing this decision?

 

Step 3: Identify outcomes of your decision

This activity will help you to separate what are assumed, and what are certain outcomes of your decision. Broken down into short, medium and long term outcomes, this step will help you to reflect on your emotional and psychological commitment to those outcomes.

You’ll also gain some insight into your change readiness.

Self-Coaching questions for step 3

Identify the short, medium and long term outcomes with:

  • what will this decisions’ impact be on your physical, spiritual, emotional, psychological health?
  • how will it affect the people directly involved in your life?
  • what it will mean for the regular routine you live by or your daily activities?
  • what are the material considerations of your outcomes (e.g. possessions & value of them)?
  • what are the financial considerations of your outcomes (e.g. regular income, savings, investments, retirement)?
  • what are the career & job considerations of your outcomes?

 

Step 4: Consider the options, alternatives, consequences & opportunities of the decision

Here is where you identify all the risks in your decision, as well as the impact of this decision to your and others before actually committing to it.

Self-Coaching questions for step 4

Consider:

  • what are the pros and cons?
  • what are the risks? How to mitigate them?
  • what are the positive and negative impacts?
  • where can opportunities be found?
  • how will it cost you in time & personal resources?
  • what sacrifices will be required?
  • what would you ideal choice be if you had to choose?

 

Step 5: Understand any emotions behind your decision

Your heart is greatly influenced by your past experiences, your desires, your passions, your pains, your personality, and a myriad of other factors and qualities.

Here is an opportunity to check the balance between your emotions and your rationale, moving forward without looking back in regret.

Self-Coaching questions for step 4

Understand:

  • what pressures may this decision be feeding on?
  • what needs may this decision be feeding on?
  • how can I be more balanced (head vs heart)?
  • what emotions are influencing here?
  • what are my fears?
  • where might I be experiencing limiting beliefs?
  • how will my feelings change after this decision?
  • how are my past experiences influencing my emotions & feelings?
  • when am I likely to change my mind because of others’ feelings?

 

Step 6: Capture other viewpoints & objective opinions

There is GREAT VALUE in seeking counsel.

Seek the opinion of those:

  • immediately involved in this decision
  • indirectly involved in this decision
  • experienced in this area
  • whose wisdom you appreciate & respect
  • in the ‘helping’ professions

Self-Coaching questions for step 6

Capture:

  • what do the people most involved in this decision have to say?
  • what do people indirectly involved in this decision have to say?
  • what do people with experience of this decision have to say?
  • what do people whose wisdom you appreciate and respect have to say?
  • what do professionals from the ‘helping’ professions have to say?

 

Step 7: Prepare & commit yourself to your decision

Often, limiting beliefs and self-sabotage about a decision happen before the very moment of committing to a decision. This is unlikely to happen if you’ve gone through the previous 6 steps to decision-making clarity. You will know what actions are needed to move forward confidently and courageously.

Self-Coaching questions for step 7

Prepare & Commit:

  • what are my critical activities moving forward?
  • what personal preferences do I have?
  • how can I exercise greater freedom of heart?
  • where do I need to exercise more resilience?
  • where do I need to exercise more courage?
  • what are my coping strategies?
  • how often should I review my progress and approach?
  • what does my task list look like?

 


Need an objective opinion to walk through the above with?

Depending on your situation (particularly the time limitation) and the gravity of the decision you have to make, you may be interested in an intensive breakthrough coaching session to get to decision-making clarity quickly, and for putting a sketch plan in place.

Intensive Breakthrough Coaching Session for decision-making clarity (2.5 hrs)

What is included in your session?

  • Initial email outlining your preparation for the session
  • Any relevant tools or materials required for activities in your session
  • Face to face to face session in West London OR video meeting call (prices vary by location & added onto base price. Video meetings via Zoom are no extra cost.)
  • Follow up email with reflections from the session and suggested actions

 Your investment

My intensive breakthrough coaching session is great value at a base price of £325. For this amount you will gain:

  • peace of mind and of heart that you have made the most informed and thought-through decision you could possibly have made
  • clarity on 99.9% of elements, factors, influences and options worth considering
  • an impeccably designed set of action points / plan to make any changes smoothly based on who you are and where you’re heading
  • greater knowledge of your blindspots and choke points, with an increased desire to manage those
  • confidence because you’ll have cleared mental and emotional obstacles preventing you from moving forward
  • enhanced or maintained good quality relationships (personal or professional)
  • holistic & well-balanced perspective, energy and momentum
  • avoidance of more time and money spent down the line from a decision that ultimately cost you more than you could afford
  • relief from stress and heartache that would have been an outcome of a poorly-made decision